letters on a screen

Want to understand God's love for you? Go rent the movie There's Something about Mary. No, I'm not joking. While crude at times and very funny, there is a lot of truth in the movie.

To summarize very, very briefly-- Ben Stiller's character is obsessed with this girl he hasn't seen since high school. It's 13 years later, and he is still hung up over his almost prom date. Knowing that she moved to Miami, and thinking that he might as well find out what happened to Mary, he hires a private investigator to find out exactly what she's up to.

Upon seeing Mary, the private investigator becomes captivated and packs up shop, moves to Miami and does everything in his power to try and win her over. This includes telling her he's an architect, has a second home in Nepal, and loves hanging out with mentally handi-capped kids. To fast-forward, by the end of the film Mr. Stiller's character shows up again and trys to win Mary, and we're introduced to 3 more guys who are fascinated by her as well.

What I love about the film is it shows these guys doing just about anything in their power to win her over. They basically will take on other lives just to try and win her heart.

The reason I like this is because it's true. Jesus does this with us. Seriously, God pulled out all the stops when He tried to win our hearts, eventually giving the life of His son just for us.

If you've ever seen the movie, you'll see just how great a job Cameron Diaz does pulling off a very captivating woman. It may seem weird to say it, but we look that way to God-- he's absolutley crazy about us.

So why do we run? Why is it so hard for us to believe that Jesus would and did do anything for our love?

If nothing else... God, help me to be someone who really receives your love for me.

Adventures in Substituting:

I subbed in an elementary school PE class today. Kindergardners are crazy. Today, while we had them outside, one of the boys decided that it would be a good idea to pee on the playground. Needless to say, this got him a lot of attention. It also got him sent to the principal.

Crazy kids.

For those of you who blog, do you ever start an entry... only to just go back and delete the whole thing about half-way through? I've been doing this a lot lately... I guess my thoughts just don't really seem to always make sense.

It also could be that I feel really tired all of the time right now. I've been subbing a lot lately, and I still don't think I'm used to it all. I know one thing-- teachers are tough. All I want to do everyday when I get done is to take a nap. The kids wear me out.

One thing I have been thinking a bit about though is God's love. Heh... I guess that sounds kind of cliche and cheesy, but nonetheless, I've been thinking about it. I watched Rushmore last night with John, and it made me think of how God is so crazy about us. If you've never seen it (you're missing out... go watch it), basically the characters that Jason Schartzman and Bill Murray play both fall in love with one woman, a teacher at Rushmore academy. One thing I love about it is the length both of them go to express their feelings to her, and how it seems like they'd do anything to actually "get" her. From buidling 8 million dollar aquariams to saving Latin to faking bike accidents, they'll stop at nothing to get her to love them.

If I was a woman (hmm.... that's a really weird way to start a paragraph), I think I would love this because it would make me feel truly wanted and desired. Heck, I guess even guys want to feel that way, but just maybe not under the same scenario. Regardless, we all want to be loved... and even more so, we want to be wanted. And here's the beautiful thing-- we are!

I'll be the first to admit that I don't know a lot, but I do know that Jesus loves me. I can tell you time after time where He put up with lots of junk from me, lots of very inconsisten love by me, and yet always wholeheartedly loved me the whole time. No matter how many times I run or just look away, He is always there with (cue the Creed song) arms wide open.

When I read the Bible, I really like reading the letters John wrote (1, 2, and 3rd John) in the New Testament, mainly because John seemed to really understand this idea of the love of God. He actually said "God is love", and he really meant it. It wasn't just flowery language-- it was true.

If it took building an aquarium to get my love, I know Jesus would do it.

Do you ever feel like you have certain themes going through your life at certain times? The idea of road-trips has been popping up a lot for me lately. I'm currently reading Don Miller's Through Painted Deserts, story of his journey from Houston up through the West Coast and how the self-discovery that came through that. And last night I saw Elizabethtown (which, despite the lackluster reviews, I really liked), in which Orlando Bloom's character sets out on a roadtrip in which he, in a way, learns what's really important in life. To add to this, I have this huge urge to drive out to California to see Aaron and Lindsay, even though my lack of funds is currently prohibiting it. But maybe this speaks of something deeper inside many of us twenty-somethings. Maybe we are, in a way, the road-trip generation.

People who really feel that deep down, life was meant to be lived, not just gotten-through. People that thrive on experience. Maybe it's because we've grown up with television, we saw the internet come of age, and have been through all the hyped virtual-reality technology. We could be in Amarillo, Texas (like me at the time) and basically see what life was like half-way across the world without leaving our living room. But this pales in comparison to the reality of actually being there.

What is it about travel that makes us feel so alive and free? Maybe it's a deeper part of our soul longing for something. I do believe that we were meant to experience life, and in that experience God. I don't think we can reduce our "relationship with God" down to a few key principles. Much like a roadtrip, God has to be experienced.

Keep me in your prayers as I embark on my first day as a substitute teacher tomorrow. I'm doing 5/6th grade Social Studies. Woo-hoo!

Seriously though... do pray for me. I'm a bit nervous about all this considering the kids I worked in the schools with at my last job were umm... horrible. I think this will be better though.

God is so good. Tonight I went to our House of Prayer small group and was just feeling frustrated and down about life. While we were singing a little bit Charlton felt like God was saying that we should just shout out to Him (literally). Earlier in the day, I had felt like God was wanting me to make peace about something in my heart and just release it to Him, and so when Charlton said this-- I just let it go. Man, it felt so so so good to get it off my chest and just give it to God. He's in control; I'm not-- and He is the only one who gives true peace. It was like a night and day difference after I did that. Thank you Jesus.

I just finished reading this really engaging (at least for me) book called Stories of Emergence: Moving from Absolute to Authentic. It's basically a collection of personal stories of people who, for one reason or another, basically had a faith crisis and through it moved to a new and more real understanding of God. It's intriguing because it's not a book of presuppositions or step by step formulas-- it's real people sharing their real stories. While reading it I couldn't help but think of all the people I know who only share in half the story. They could have grown up in the church, or absolutely devoid of any type of religious structure. The beginning point doesn't matter. But the one thing they all share is they all came to a point where they wanted something more-- a deeper understanding of the "whys" in life, an understanding of just who God might be, of what it means to have faith. The problem is that they didn't find what they were looking for within the religious structure that they knew at the time. No matter what church or group it was, the outcomes were the same-- people walking away from "faith" because their longings and questions couldn't be answered.

So why do some people ask questions and find God, and some don't? I don't think this question can be answered simply. It's easy to point out all the short-comings of the church and nominate that as the reason-- but I think the reality of it all goes much deeper.

Perhaps it's the box that we're putting God into. Too many times we make God too small. We turn the word-became-flesh God into a cosmic genie who always responds in the same ways to any question or problem we might have. We forget that God is a person, complete with emotions just like us. We forget that no formula or pattern could contain the Genesis 1 God-- the God who just spoke and the world was created.

Perhaps it's time to step back and admit that we know nothing. The fact that God is huge and inconprehensible shouldn't scare us away-- it should fascinate us. Simple people get boring quickly. We long to be fascinated, and so when we meet someone who is truly unlike everyone else, we're quickly captivated.

I am thoroughly convinced that God, and God alone, can captivate the human soul like nothing else. We might still have questions, but we can rest secure in knowing a being who is continually astonishing and intriguing.

For more on this new phenomena in church-life, click here.

Lately I've found myself going through a bit of heart-ache. I don't know if "heart-ache" is even the right way to put it, and it's difficult to find the right words to describe the situation because I don't want to overexagerate it or diminish it.

To sum it up briefly... I met this amazing girl right before I left to go to Europe. Hanging out with her was really different for me, because it is so rare to meet someone that you have so much in common with, have so much fun being around, and yet have enough differences between you to make things that much more intriguing. Anyways, suffice it to say that after those few hours we spent together, I was hooked.

I go to Europe and try to keep the communication up through the normal means-- emails, postcards, etc. When I return, we're able to hang out again, and, once again, I have a great time. And it's after this that things get weird. I call her on the phone a few times and it just totally seems awkward and I feel like I'm being annoying, and so I stop for a while.

Feeling like I don't know what's going on, but wanting to just let her know how I feel and avoid any kind of ambiguity, I decide to call and just say that I like her and would like to get to know her better. Well, I call a few times and never get an answer or call back. This doesn't bode well, but I decide to just finally email her what I was going to say. This way, whatever happens, I get it off my chest and say what I felt like I should say. So I send the email, possibly thinking that I might not hear anything back... but I do.

Basically it came down to her just not feeling the same way. This was hard for me to hear, but I was glad I finally knew what was going on. Perhaps I read too much into things initially, or perhaps any initial interest she had went away, or a hundred other things could have happened. Regardless of the cause, the last couple of weeks have found me a bit saddened.

In a way it's a little funny... this all affected me much more than anything like this has in a long time. So much so that I was finding consolation through listening to Blink-182 songs in the car the other day. That's weird.

I'm not sharing all this to provoke sympathy though. If anything good ever comes out of these type of things for me, it's that God always shows me a lot about Himself through these situations.

How many times have I been like this with Jesus? We'll share some awesome moments together, but then I'll push Him away when He wants to get to know me better. He's absolutely crazy about me, but there are so many times when I'm not at all crazy about Him.

Almost 4 years ago someone told me that Jesus wanted to be with me more than I wanted to be with Him. That statement really, really affected me. Not in the guilt-induced "I need to pray more" type of way, but in the "WOW" type of way.

We have a God who gave it ALL to be with us. Read John 17 and look at how Jesus is basically pleading for us. In the words of Sufjan Steven's in "To be Alone With You" (a great song)... "To be alone with me, You went up on a tree..."

Simply put, Jesus is what we're all looking for in that significant other. Someone who is faithfull above all else, loves us despite our faults, and would do ANYTHING to gain our love. We are the apple of His eye-- His prize.

Even if I remain single all of my life, I do know that there is Someone out there who loves me with open arms regardless of how I act, and this is the thing that gives me hope more than anything else in the world.

Wow..... I feel like I've had such a full week since I last posted. Where to start?

First of all, I'm listening to Norma Jean while I post this, and so that may affect things. Hmm... I may have to switch the soundtrack in a minute.

Jeff and I spent last Saturday watching our pathetic excuse for a football team eek out a win over Baylor before we went to the airport to pick up Grant. We picked him up and then got him some Taco Bell (an American essential) and then went back to Jeff's. Saturday we took it easy and mainly just hung out.

On Sunday, Grant got a little bit of everything Texas. A Rangers baseball game, gun-shooting, and mexican food. And Monday and Tuesday were spent showing Grant a few sights, shopping (haha), and getting stranded in my car and having to replace the battery. Woo-hoo! I also shouldn't forget a wonderful dinner at Ruth's Chris (thanks Jeff).

Grant got to see the great town of Bryan/College Station on weds and thursday, and we took him to Austin on Friday night. Overall, I know I had a good time, and I think he did as well, so mission accomplished.

One thing I did forget to mention was that it was a bit of an adventure getting Grant down to College Station from Dallas. Jeff was flying to El Paso for work, but would fly into Austin friday night to hang out with us. So here was the problem-- Grant had to fly out of DFW the next day, but we would only have my car, and I really didn't want to drive all the way back up to dallas and then back down to CS. So the solution? We let someone who didn't have an American drivers liscense and who is used to driving on the other side of the road drive Jeff's brand new truck down here. Smart huh?

We weren't as brash as it sounds... we did check with Jeff's insurance to make sure Grant would be covered. And then we crossed our fingers and prayed that we wouldn't get pulled over as Grant followed me to CS. And because God is good, it was all good.